I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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