I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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