Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
