I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
