Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When did angry sex become our thing?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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