I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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