Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
