he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
