Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
