I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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