1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
