I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
