so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
