After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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