I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
