i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
