whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
