Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
