I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
