he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize