youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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