why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
