My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
