mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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