Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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