It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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