It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am spending my child support on dildos
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
