So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
