The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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