I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
