eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
