I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
