so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
