remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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