Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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