so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
