arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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