I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
