I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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