I think i sorta joined a cult last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I understand Curling. That high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
