the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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