I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
