It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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