This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
