you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
