hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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