i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
