If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There r osticjed everywhere
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
