in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
