I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
