Grow some girl-balls and come out already
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
