i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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