Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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