SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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