Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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