No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
