Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
