Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
