How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
