you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
